I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were trust falling into bushes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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