Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
