Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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