I molested 6 butterflies tonight
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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