your room smells of hookers.
And success
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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