the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
