What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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