So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
