Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
