Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
