No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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