There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
