I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So much Jack, so little girl.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
