For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
