I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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