Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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