Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize