I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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