i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
