walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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