Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
