He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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