i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
