i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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