You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
