Are we in a gay sports bar?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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