just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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