my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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