I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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