someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
