So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
