Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
