My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
