In the future we'll all be gay
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
