so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
