If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
