it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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