There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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