When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
