whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
