What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
