I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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