so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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