I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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