Banned from zoo.
Again?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
