I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
