the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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