my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
