I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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