I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize