my sisters under your porch take her home
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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