well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
this hospital has no fireball
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
