in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
