you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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