I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
