Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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