You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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