i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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