im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.