I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
