no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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