hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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