My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
