I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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