Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize