Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
