Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
