I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
