smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
