The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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