I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
