At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
