Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
