You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
