Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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