Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
