So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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