I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
