i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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