just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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