it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
