he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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